Monday, December 6, 2010

DISASTERS IN DATING: when the dust settles...

no one ever talks about the part "when the dust settles". when you're over the hurt and you're back in the "single girl" frame of mind. no one ever talks about how it feels when your heart doesn't ache as much but you know you're not fully healed.

the in between phase.

what do you do next? go on a couple of dates trying to keep your mind and time occupied.

entertain the advances of men who don't give you butterflies, but give you numerous compliments.

no one ever talks about this part.

it doesn't hurt but it doesn't feel "good" either. the tears have dried and the anger has subsided. what now?

what do you do when you know you'll never go back, but you can't see a clear picture of what lies ahead?

#nowPlaying "excuse me" - jazmine sullivan

her voice has me wanting to fall in love again. makes me want to go cook and clean for a handsome man with strong arms, a nice smile, and honest eyes.

but he's absolutely nowhere to be found.

no one ever talks about this part....when the dust settles and it's just you. the only one caring. the only one wanting.

*sits down in the middle of the floor indian style*

guess i'll paint my nails and try not to get this "dust" on 'em.


Friday, December 3, 2010

LOCAL LOYALTY: a heart for vintage....

for all of my vintage lovers out there, i have the perfect place for ultimate thrift shopping ONLINE!!! throwback pieces that won't break your wallet..#SCORE. oh, did i fail to mention that the store is owned and operated by one of my very good friends? well, it is...and i am uberly proud of her. Blood, sweat, and tears......the reward of it all is worth it.

Love you Jim!

so, my dear blogger babies, GO SHOP!!!! don't say i never put y'all up on anything. #ThankMeNow


follow the store on twitter for updates!! @DantChanVintage


p.s. shoutout to the featured model @ruthi_baby heeey girl!

Wednesday, November 10, 2010

PLAYLIST: Umbrella Much???

as you all may know, i am on a slow journey of toleration for my dear Creepy Minaj. i have nothing against her image or who she is as a person....i think she is doing wonders for a lot of silly little girls' self-esteem (in her own twisted way). as far as talent goes, she's entertaining to say the least. i would never knock her hustle, cuz she IS doing it. but fan? not much.

and boo rihanna. i ADORE this chick head to toe. she's the less amazing version of my Beyonce' adoration. #justSayin.

this song is IT for me....had me ready to put on some poppin lipstick, a freakum dress, & go BE in some club somewhere. YAAAAAAAAAAS!!!!!!!!! put my hand in the air & reject all the scumbags trying to get my attention. #soWhat cuz it's raining men!!!!!

"i aint even worried bout u homie cuz there's plenty mo fish in the sea.....they fallin like the rain, so we aint runnin out"

im bumping this hard until 2011 hits!!!!

enjoy blogger babies!


Wednesday, October 27, 2010

LOCAL LOYALTY: it's been a long time coming....

I can't even begin to explain how proud i am and how i excited i am for my brother 10BEATS. He has put in SO much work...has been SO diligent and focused on making his dreams happen. The hard work is paying off and this is only the beginning.

Dom- you already know the IE is holding you down...your friends/family are supporting you 1000%. God has SO much more in store for you. Don't limit can do exceedingly, beyond, and ABUNDANTLY more. remain faithful to Him, humble, and grounded in the WORD. i love you and look forward to seeing you shine, shine, shine!!! GO!


keep up with them on twitter:


NEW VIDS: Creepy Minaj Comes With It.....

i have been bumping this song HARD for the past month so i am SO excited for the video. kudos to Nicki for keeping it simple....the video isn't cinematic genius or anything but it's SUCH a welcome change for her that it IS quite smart. the shower scene...the argument over disrespect...the pool scene...did Creepy Minaj take a page out of my diary or what???

her versatility is what's going to make me a fan.


Thursday, October 7, 2010

FRESH FROCKS: are YOU haute?

are you an up and coming designer....ahead of the fashion curve....needing more exposure....looking to solidify yourself as the next BIG thing?? If this is you...FOUR LA is "four" you for their FOURTH SATURDAY event!

Their "New Designer Contest" is taking place this month so hurry and read the information below and sumbit your fashionable little selves for this FREE exposure and experience!! go now!! is their website or email them:!

you can email me if you'd like me to send you the rules & regulation document so that you can have a copy for yourself:


be fashionable.

GOD luck!!


Friday, October 1, 2010


Dear woman reading this nursing a broken heart,

don't give up. as much as it hurts, as confused as you may be....don't give up on love. the sleepless nights WILL turn into peaceful evenings of slumber. the loss of appetite will gradually grow into an insatiable hunger for LIFE. we can't allow the tenderness of our hearts to harden our emotions. easier said than done, yes i know. this song undoubtedly helped me realize that LOVE really is amazing and i LOVED being in it. even if i was IN it alone, i gave 100% and i don't regret it at all. there is something extremely satisfying about being loyal to your man. it is sexy and WOMANLY to nurture, encourage, and keep your man happy.

it was my wholeness of self that allowed me to happily oblige the needs and desires of "him" i know that once i am whole again, it would be my absolute pleasure to do this again. next time, time it is my most fervent prayer that "him" is appreciative & faithful. because as satisfying as it is to be loyal to your man, it makes it even more worthwhile when he is also loyal to you. "so good to meeeeeee" - Ciara.

so ladies, again i say....don't give up on love. don't become bitter. bind love and happiness around your neck & wear it as the most beautiful accessory. 1 Corinthians 13 is WORTH IT.

"Men need 2 feel needed...need to feel important. & it's hard 4 them 2 feel that way w a powerful woman" -Oprah

on this journey through life, love, hurt, and success....never dim your light in order for people around you to feel more comfortable. be confident in who you are. be secure in your worth. never compromise your morals in order to make it easier for someone else. your "Mr.GodSentHim2Me" will rise to YOUR occasion, will love & support you...he will turn HIS light up & lead your relationship to the height intended for it by God. never fear ladies, he is out there. don't go looking. busy yourself in the work of the Lord. busy yourself getting to the YOU you are called to be. secure your heart in God's hands and always always always trust your intuition.


p.s. i also like the version of this song featuring The Dream.

"see I'm thankful 4 every time u wash my clothes, could have been anywhere in the world but instead ur right here.." -the dream

Saturday, September 25, 2010

DISASTERS IN DATING: officially moving on....

it has been 28 days since i've seen him, and communication has been almost as scarce.
it's safe to say that it is time to officially move on. i am finally coming out of my 2 week funk and realizing that in order to get better i have to get moving. i've been torturing myself lately. visiting his twitter and facebook pages....i even looked at his blog knowing he RARELY updates that. i've even checked his website for new additions and revisions lol. but now, i realize that the more i check up on a life i'm no longer a part of...the more i will hurt. so instead of just going through the motions of my life, i will actively participate in it. i will consciously enjoy my friends and the time spent with them. i will come out of my own head & heart space in order to feel the sun, hear my laughter, and activate my smile.

the relationship is over.
the relationship is over.
the relationship is over.
the relationship is over.
the relationship is over.
the relationship is over.
the relationship is over.
the relationship is over.
the relationship is over.
the relationship is over.
the relationship is over.
the relationship is over.
the relationship is over.

*sigh* i had to say those words out loud, because just writing them doesn't seem to be enough to convince my heart that the relationship is in FACT....over. #ouch. today is my last day of contact. time to reprogram. my life must go on. this doesn't mean i won't hurt, cry, or miss him. this just means i am prepared to let go & let LIFE happen.

i'm good.....well, i'm getting back to being good.

this is me, officially moving on.


Cyrah Austin Hawkins,
as much as,WE ....
as much as we both wanted this to work, it didn't.
i won't place blame. we are both responsible for this failure.
we had some good times and i won't let the hurt of a broken heart
cause me to forget them. i pray that you first find and LOVE God.
then, in finding and forging your relationship with Him...i pray you find YOU.
i don't have to pray for you to find love, because i am sure that will come easily.
BUT, i do pray that the love is the epitome of 1 Corinthians 13 kind of love.
unconditional, forgiving, pure, comforting, honest, enduring.
i don't regret anything. i don't regret us. you helped me open my heart again.
i will forever be grateful to you for that.
u broke down my wall/guard & climbed right on in.
so thank you.
perhaps one day we'll be friends again.
but until then....
may wisdom, love, faith, happiness, courage, and favor never leave you.
i'll love you forever
& will always carry you in my heart.
your scent, your fingerprints, & our memories...will linger.

see you next lifetime baby.

& as confident. be charismatic. be CYRAH....GYSO! *smile*

...faded pictures....


p.s. this will be my last blog regarding him and this situation.

the end.....

Friday, September 24, 2010

THEME MUSIC: a GRENADE you'll Never forget

had your eyes wide open....why were they open?

thank you Bruno, i think i am beginning to really like you.

and to my bff @whenf....your GENIUS never ceases to amaze me. i can't wait for the world to experience you through your music.

delete pics.
cover scent.
love & lust.
but never forget.


DEAR SUMMER: now that you're gone...

i am excited to welcome Fall.
the past two weeks i have been MORE than out of it.
the break up FINALLY really hit me....hard.
the energy was sucked right out of me.
dare i say i was tip toein' around some type of MINOR depression.
literally, my whole body hurt.
this morning....this early early morning i began to feel inspired.
in my weakness, i am beyond strong.
there, amidst the dark clouds, i see a glimmer of light.
people who know me, know that when i am in one place too long
i feel trapped. i like to get up and go at the drop of a dime.
i am the QUEEN of leaving.
not running....but experiencing new environments.
i am kids, no relationship.
no ties. i can move freely.
as much as i LOVE the LA scene and living in Cali....
east coast living is necessary. EVERYONE should experience it sometime in life.
why not now?
dilemma. i have been sending out my rezzy A LOT so i know it will be getting hits soon.
this is why i am waiting until the end of October to officially transition outta here.
with this in mind, i was TOTALLY caught off guard when the west coast general manager for ALEXIS BITTAR called me last nite.
they begin interviews next week for their new west coast stores.
i am also heading to DC around the first week of October to pound the pavement in person.
needless to say, this will be a crucial month.
October pretty much determines whether i stay in LaLa land....
or begin a new adventure in the Chocolate City.

we shall see.....


Wednesday, September 22, 2010

MY 2 CENTS: let the church prEy....

I am not even going to read the details of this Bishop Eddie Long scandal.
i will just pray.
it is not my job to pass judgment on the Bishop or the accusers.
i will just pray.
the Christian community is falling apart.
where are the wrinkle and spot free churches?
but as my Bishop always says,
we go to church for GOD not the people.
my faith in God isn't dependent on how perfect or imperfect
my pastor/bishop/priest is.
my faith in God comes from knowing Jesus as my personal savior.
#thatisall #thatiseverything
we are merely men.
we WILL fail.
when our spiritual leaders fall victim to their flesh,
that doesn't make me turn away from church or God.....
reading these silly gossip blogs and the comments makes me sick.
so easily the devil is glorified.

i will pray for God to have the last laugh. to God be the glory.
my faith is in the almighty.


i def posted a comment over on
just because all of those people commenting were so ignorant and LOST.
makes me sad...what is our world coming to?

*cue Mary Mary* "i wanna gooooooo to HEAVEN!!!"

Tuesday, September 21, 2010

DISASTERS IN DATING: give me a moment...

old emails have me bugging out. a year ago my toes were touching the edges of new love. now the water in that pool is murky and uninviting.

still, i'm dying to swim.

breath held, underwater sluggishly swimming through it all. hoping the water hides these tears that keep falling.

drown already.
lungs filled with love.
suffocating on it.

one year ago he swore he'd follow me to Sheol Hell.
well i've been here painting my nails & still.....i'm alone.

i guess this is my long awaited break down. avoided it for so long and now it's wrapped around my whole body.



give me a moment to ummm grieve.
allow me to hurt, cry, & miss him freely.
i'm entitled to this.

THEME MUSIC: please return my call....

it's been too long since i've seen yo face.
since i smelled the fragrance of your perfume.
& i can't get a hold of myself no more.
i tried to play it cool, but im simply breakin breakin down....

only we know what we lost....


QUOTABLES: no "moonlight"...even less sunshine

you are my sunshine, my only sunshine.
you make me happy when skies are gray.
you'll never know dear, how much i love you.
please don't take my sunshine away.....

dear blogger babies,
sh*t isn't good.
not totally bad....
but SO not good.
i miss him.


shadows on your MOONLIGHT.
she's lost her way.
13 compasses, wrong direction.
find your way back.
love is waiting......


Friday, September 17, 2010


and all i can feel is hurt and confusion.
he's the only one i want to talk to....but i can't.
he's the only one that can make it better...but he won't.

i knew that once i let the tears fall, they'd never stop.
floodgates are now open.
it heart. my life. my love. my pain. my confusion.
who cares what anyone else thinks.

i absolutely do not want to leave.
but he pushes and pushes and pushes,
forceful fingerprints all over my body.
so everday i leave.
& every nite my heart goes back.
anchored to unfinished business. love with a fool who won't get out of his own way & let love live.

stop hurting me.


Wednesday, September 15, 2010

QUOTABLES: just leave already....

"you never see it coming, you just get to see it go...." -drake

silly of me to even think to have confidence in you.
now that i've spoken my heart, i feel MUCH better about leaving.
i see you making absolutely NO effort to change...not for me.
but what about making yourself better for YOU...??
are you THAT selfish that you would sabotage your future because
you're too stubborn to get out of your own way?
i feel sorry for you.
blatantly pushing me away.
tsk tsk...glad i wont be around when this comes and bites you in the ass.
as much as this hurts, it kinda doesn't.
it's like a numb feeling.
i did my chose not to do yours., i'm done.



p.s. i'm SO frustrated. "hurt turns to anger......friends turn to strangers". to think he can walk away so easily after professing his so-called love for me, after telling me that a relationship with me is what he wants. smh so full of sh*t!! as much as i hate him.....i love him even more. this sucks ass!!!

Thursday, September 9, 2010

DISASTERS IN DATING: what about your friends....

12:50a i received a call from a pretty coo friend of mine. he and i aren't super tight but we have had plenty of phone convos and have hung out a few times as well. our conversation was interesting to say the least. he told me that he had high hopes for my relationship and felt bad about seeing that it came to an end. he is in a relationship right now and felt that a few months ago we were on the same track as far as having love in our lives.

anywho, to hear the outside perspective of someone regarding my relationship and my friends was pretty crazy. he felt that, based on observations, my friends didn't support my relationship. i was baffled because i honestly felt the same way. he never met Cyrah or seen us interacting, but he supported my relationship from afar.

friends and relationships don't ever mix. opinions are okay....judgments aren't. most of my friends weren't used to me being in a relationship, so when i spent more time with him they felt neglected. neglect was never my intent. i was never in town so girl-time was limited, yes. but i have never been the type to let my world revolve around a man. and i will never be that type.

all of my friends know that i am very confident and strong-minded, so i could really careless if they hated Cyrah, if he was my choice...that was all there was to it. i was the one in the relationship, not them.

the point of this being that the older you get, the less involved your friends should be in your relationship. plain and simple.


TWITTER ME THIS: trigga trey....

tonight i was previewing Trey Songz's new album and giving my feedback via twitter. he happened to "love" one of my comments and proceeded to retweet me and tell me so.

this is his second time communicating with me on twitter and once again, it caused a frenzy. lmbo. i think he loves me. anywho, i really really really really like Passion, Pain, & Pleasure and hopefully his fans support him to the fullest. great album...can't wait to get it next week!


Wednesday, September 8, 2010

PLAYLIST: flip, roll, pop.

in the words of ME.... FLIP, ROLL, POP. flip ur hair, roll your eyes, and pop your gum. that's exactly what i'll be doing as i jam to this new joint by Willow Smith.

to the disgusting people who talk badly about this LITTLE GIRL, you should be ashamed of yourselves. i couldn't believe the comments i read on the gossip blogs about this song and child. why would you call a child WACK?? in what world is that okay? you've got to be kidding!

anywho, i support the Smith family! love love love them!

so go 'head Little Willow, do your thang! i dig all of your laced up pants glory!


DISASTERS IN DATING: roses and thorns....

Monday I was watching a rerun of The View with President Obama as the guest. Joy asked President Obama if he still sits down with his family at the end of the day to discuss the ROSE and THORN of their day. I thought this was interesting because it puts life into perspective. You could be having what seems to be the worst day ever while you're actually going through it, but once the day is over if you sit back and think back on it there was probably SOMETHING that went right. Even if it was something as "insignificant" as a text message from an old friend just to say hello. That small gesture very well may be the rose amongst a thistle of thorns. I love that President Obama is instilling APPRECIATION into his daughters because so often we forget to appreciate...especially the small things.

So, i decided to incorporate "roses & thorns" into my life....hopefully it helps me to keep my eye steady on a positive target.

With break ups, a lot of times it's easy to feel like the bad is consuming you. Sometimes we have to step outside of ourselves in order to see that things aren't AS bad as we feel they are.

ROSE: for 3 years i was single. it wasn't always something that i loved but it was a necessary phase in my life. I was able to properly deal with all emotions from my previous relationship and I had a chance to fully understand all lessons I learned from it. 3 years of single living also led me to believe that a relationship was so out of my scope of vision that it would be dang near impossible for me to allow myself to become someone's girlfriend. I made up in my mind that my next REALationship would be the one that led me down that aisle. i was confident in this because i have been cautious with my heart. i don't let just anyone in. along came Cyrah.

here was the first man in over 5 years that i let in so easily. the first man that i actually wanted to let in and felt 100% comfortable doing so. i remember telling myself that "even if this doesn't work out, I am happy that he has helped me feel again". i said this not really expecting for this NOT to work out. *sigh* but nevertheless, FEELING again is my ROSE. my beautiful, beautiful rose. caring for someone, thinking of US and not me, giving myself freely.....LOVING. that is my rose. and no matter how i feel today, tomorrow, or next week...nothing & no one can take away what i felt when he kissed me. what i felt when i woke up next to him. what i felt when we loved. i won't let the bad in our relationship cause me to dismiss the good. i will hold on to that knowing that someday...i WILL feel that again. are my ROSE.

THORN: simply put, failure. i am absolutely terrified of heartache, i suppose that is why i hold my breath every time i feel sadness creeping to my surface. i refuse to feel that....even though i know it's there. #numb. my high expectations for this relationship are shattered and the obvious failure is a dreadful thorn in my side. i never wanted to be one of those girls who go through numerous heartaches and countless BS relationships....for nothing. i take pride in the fact that i am able to quickly learn from mistakes and not repeat them. i take matters of the heart seriously. as much as this break up pains my heart...the blow to my ego is almost AS devastating. Cyrah and Mia were supposed to last. we didn't. #failure.

what are your roses and thorns? i strongly urge that while you can, smell your roses daily before they wither & thorns are all you have left.


rose lei he made for me at my graduation....

Tuesday, September 7, 2010

DISASTERS IN DATING: since you've been gone...

It's been 4 weeks since you've looked at me.
Some days I'm absolutely fine.
Others, I have to fight the urge to allow emotions to bubble to the surface.
I refuse to spend my days angry, sad, confused, etc.
I am beginning to notice exactly how much you don't deserve me.
The more I think about the things that were wrong in our relationship, the more "over it" I become.
I don't see any change. No effort to make things work.
Since you've been gone, my peace of mind has returned.

It's been FOUR WEEKS since you've looked at me....
and I'm feelin' like I don't ever want to see you again.


Saturday, September 4, 2010 is always needed

It's been damn near a month since I've heard it or read it. Today I got it. It was EXACTLY what I needed. the "I love you" text. Sh*t is far from good between us, but those words in that text message were like hot chocolate & a good book on a rainy day. #comforting. If nothing else, I am seriously beginning to miss the small things. showering together. putting lotion on his back. watching funny youtube videos. that same old Bruce Lee movie. *sigh* I'm beginning to miss the small things.

I'm not dying without him.
I'm actually fine without him.
This isn't about a need...
This is about the person who I want.
Not in a selfish "I get what I want" way.
But in a "I want to spend my life making you smile" way.

A lot of work needs to be done.
Changes need to be made.
I can see, easily, that its truest form is ALWAYS needed.
& his love is all that I want.

cuz I'm beginning to miss the small things.


THE {B}est TO EVER DO IT: happy birthday

Dear Beyonce Giselle Knowles-Carter:

For years you have been one of the arms that embraces me when I feel as though my heart will stop beating at any moment. You have helped me hear more clearly that little voice inside that was begging to be heard, the voice that said "Mia, you are beautiful". Your professionalism is forever evident and your talent is unmistakable. Your beauty transcends the superficial, because it radiates from your spirit. Thank you for pouring your heart and soul into your craft....thank you for sharing it with me. May love and happiness never leave you. God bless you as you celebrate another year. I appreciate and love you!

Thank you Bey!

Happy Birthday!


YOUTUBE OF THE DAY: thanks for the reminder...

i recently got the link to this video in a comment on one of my blogs. THANK YOU FOR THE REMINDER! this truly made my day.

Lydia's other vids are just as dope.



PLAYLIST: Good Fridays...

Kanye has decided to drop a new song every friday until his album comes out in december, yay for us! i must admit, "Monster" hasn't grown on me yet but "Devil in a New Dress" had me at HELLO! haha. i have been listening to it on repeat....saying i relate is stating the obvious.

click HERE for the mp3.

"May the Lord forgive us
May the gods be with us
And that magic hour I seen good Christians make rash decisions
Oh she dooo it, what happened to Religion?
Oh she lose it
She putting on her make up
She casually allure
Text message break ups, the casualty of tour
I thought I was the ass hole, I guess it’s rubbing off
Hood phenomenom, the Lebron of rhyme
Hard to be humble when you stuntin on a jumbotron
I’m looking at her like “this what you really wanted, huh?”
Why we argue anyway? oh I forgot, it's summatime...."

*sidebar* he went IN on twitter last nite/this morning. kept it very real about his year of shun. "i accept the idea (ideal) that perception is reality" LAWD, have i NOT been saying this for the past 2 months? glad Kanye sees my point. as unfair or unreal the perception may tends to be someone's reality. that's just the truth!!!

anywho, enjoy blogger babies!


Friday, September 3, 2010

DISASTERS IN DATING: i hate this part right here....

I know there are stages you go through in a breakup, I'm not sure of the order though. I have been pretty numb for the past month, not allowing myself to cry or feel too weak. Today, I got mad. Hello anger. I feel this relationship didn't mean sh*t...wasn't about sh*t. The way it has ended with no real "closure" is so ridiculous. I mean I don't really believe in "closure" but I do believe that some type of conversation is needed to kind of tie up loose ends. We haven't had that. I feel like I took the burden of the relationship and held it on my shoulders, so when I decided to release the burden, he pulled a b*tch move. I let him take the easy way out, he took it & ran QUICK! So, now
I'm mad.*bbm angry face* Mad cuz I honestly feel like I wasted the majority of 2010 on someone who wasn't genuine. #LessonLearned. I'm so very done.

selfish. unappreciative. disrespectful. arrogant. untruthful.

characteristics that make me so effin sick.


I just hate that I can't listen to some of my favorite songs now without feeling like my head will combust from holding in tears. Ugh! Love is for suckas...why did I forget that?


"dedicating time when I really can't afford to be..." -drake

now I'm broke :-/ joke's on me.

Thursday, September 2, 2010

DISASTERS IN DATING: social networking.....

dear facebook,

i do not need to "Reach Out" to him.
please refrain from the reminders.
i am done reaching out.
i will not "reconnect" by writing on his wall
or sending him a message.
and twitter, thank you but no thanks for your "who to follow"
recommendations. i'd rather not.
if in real life we aren't poking, chatting, leading or following,
why front for the social sites?

we aint even friends.


PHOTO OP: sweet dream or beautiful nightmare...

can't sleep cuz i know my dreams will be plagued by you.
and when i wake up, i just KNOW this will all be a nightmare.
but i'm wrong.
when i start to fully accept the finality of this,
perhaps sleep will be more peaceful.
out of sight. out of mind.
why is that not working?


#imjustsayin.... no double standards

when it comes to shady activities, i despise it equally from men and women. i am utterly disgusted by the lack of respect people have for each other. nasty bitches and dirty dogs. excuse my language but i am very passionate about this topic.

women who freely offer their bodies to every Tom, Dick, & Harry make me want to vomit. men who live by the d*ck.....die by the d*ck. go get tested!

what happened to your body being a temple? these guys and girls who have so much mileage on their bodies are sad. do you not know your worth? do you not want to have something to offer your husband/wife? something that hasn't been completely thrashed by every female/male you found attractive....

smh. respect yourselves. this is not me judging....this is me just sick of people using sex as some weapon of mass destruction. destroying relationships, destroying self-esteem, destroying love.

the more i witness the careless way people treat themselves and others, the more appealing CELIBACY looks. what about you would make me want to have part of you deposited in my spirit?

i am denouncing all spirits that have attached themselves to me from previous "experiences". i refuse to be connected to people who burdern my spirit with the weight of their past.

freeing myself from you and all that you brought. disconnecting from him, him, him, and him.

ready to continue life with a light spirit.

#imjustsayin....who are you allowing to taint your spirit???



PLAYLIST: kandi koated & loveLess

laaaaaawd Kandi over here singing about leaving him if he doesn't do what he did to get her to keep her. this woman KNOWS she can write a damn song!!

"long talks, we used to do it. compromise, we used to do it......i'm bout to leeeeeave leeeeeave you."

girl girl girl, you better sing my life. she said "i put this on my mama, u keep doin the same thang...silence gonna be your best friend. cuz i wont be here & this house gonna b so cold without me here. you aint got to worry no more. i'm packin up my bags & im out the front door. byyeeee byeee byeee" YAAAAAAASSSSSSS!!! sing it bEtch!

compliments.affection. & passion. used to do it. *sigh*

#shoutout to for supplying this song to my blackberry MONTHS ago back when it was known as "Hurt". i feel so ahead of the game :-)

Loving You No More....

when you get hurt by the one you're living for, pain can make you wanna love no more...

"the same one i'm missin is basically the reason i became somethin different. it's just that i remember me before & if you can do the same baby then we'd be for sure..."


PHOTO OP: iSpy....

is that Bey i see rockin an au naturale face & her own locks?? hey girl heeeey!

yall know my Bey can do no wrong in my eyes. let that scalp breathe honeeeeey!

photo of her @ Rock the Bells-NYC.


NEW VIDS: this creative SOB....

i have always been kinda into CeeLo's eclectic style and AMAAAZING vocals. he def delivers on this new song. "im like fcuk you...and fcuk her too!!" lmbo.

looking forward to his album release. he has a supporter in me. loving this song and video way mucho!

enjoy blogger babies!


FRESH FROCKS: give 'em the boot...

Joe Riding Boot

the boot has been a tricky trend to capture correctly, but we are all in luck. the boot is now fully functional.....and cute to boot. *no pun intended*

remember when Beyonce' made the Manolo Blahnik boot popular with every chick from the suburbs to the hood? LAWD HAFF MURCEE! i couldn't stand that shoe!!!!

i am totally loving boots this season. all boots! chunky (or clog) boots, stiletto boots, thigh high boots, platform boots, embellished combats, ankle boots, lace up boots, peep toe boots, cowboy boots (of course), rainboots, wedge boots, cut out boots....thank you for making a come back!!!

complete your fall wadrobe with a cute boot or two and i PROMISE that you will be right on trend, stepping out in utterly fab style.



a few boots from that caught my eye...happy hunting for your perfect pair!

Falken Clog Boot

Prague Combat Boot

Harley Platform Boot

Wednesday, September 1, 2010

DISASTERS IN DATING: no one really knows...

today...not so good. i feel absolutely sick to my stomach. the anxiety has returned and i feel tears literally on the brink of my eyes.

*give me a moment*

no one really knows how i feel. my words don't do me justice. i can still hide my hurt behind them. saying one thing but really meaning something else.

"it kills me, to know how much i really love you...."

today would have been the start of 9 months together. everything seemed to fall apart so quickly and i just feel so helpless. but i gotta pull it together because i have so many people looking at me expecting me to be okay. expecting me to just brush it off and keep it pushing.

Mia isn't supposed to hurt. Mia isn't supposed to cry and be sad. happy happy joy joy. *blank stare* please, audience....shut the fcuk up & let me hurt. my emotions are on display....but that doesn't mean you're allowed to touch them.

i loved, i love him. it's starting to hit me now. not waking up next to him. not cooking or cleaning for him. not kissing him. not touching him. not seeing him. as i type this i literally feel like i'm suffocating because i'm struggling to keep the tears from falling.

*can't breathe......*

BUT, i know we aren't supposed to be together right now. the goodness between us got lost somewhere and either it's gone forever oooor we just aren't willing to find it.

this......this was supposed to work.

damn, i just want that old thing back.
reading old journal entries makes me remember how excited i was about this.
in the beginning there was us...only us.
now i feel like we're contaminated. US is not pure.

i just want that old thing back.

we were never perfect, but we were "WE". as much as i get much as i understand him.....i don't think he got me.

this is me being EXTREMELY vulnerable. i don't care what anyone says....i don't care who doesn't understand. i miss the man who loved to cuddle. i miss the man who made me feel beyond beautiful. i miss us.

this sucks.


I love you.
i know we can work.
we need work.
let's work.
gotta find our way back.

if you're a bird......i'm a bird baby.


Tuesday, August 31, 2010

THEME MUSIC: throwback tunes....

i think a lot of times men forget to appreciate the women in their lives. mother, sister, friend, wife, girlfriend, etc. when was the last time you (mister man reading this) told the "her" in your life that you were proud of her? when was the last time you encouraged her because you knew she was stressed & "going through it"?

women are EXPECTED to hold their man down & be so damn ride-or-die, but how often do we get the same treatment in return. fellas, i know your girl sends you sweet text messages....have you returned the favor? yes, i know that men and women act differently in relationships but some things should be universal. loyalty, respect, care...those are all significant components in relationships that tend to never be equally present from both partners.

New Edition asks "can you stand the rain?" and i will answer it for A LOT of the men out there....the answer is NOT AT ALL. men are supposed to be protectors and providers. when was the last time you earnestly protected her heart or provided her with comfort???

just something to think about. run out and buy an umbrella or matter of fact, just stay indoors. this rain....this clearly not for the faint of heart.


Monday, August 30, 2010

DISASTERS IN DATING: oil spots & fingerprints

i just got off the phone with my Auntie Sue....she is absolutely amazing & i am beyond grateful for her. she was dropping all kinds of wonderful witticisms on me. yes, i said witticisms. lmbo. we discussed relationships, life, and family. this woman is so crazy....especially when it comes to her stance on being celibate. she refuses to let a man stain up her "garage" with his unchecked & unmaintenanced vehicle.

this got me to thinking.... how many of us women are allowing men to come in our garages (body & heart) and leave their mark, this mark that leaves our garage less than clean? *raising my hand*

i do declare, i would like to get back to my pristine state. clean & void of the scum. no oil. no fingerprints on my windows. no smudges. we will never be able to reach this point until we make a conscious effort to take more pride in ourselves. don't be afraid to walk in your worth.

you are worth more than a half ass relationship, a booty call, a liar, a are worth more than all of that. we have to stop settling just for the sake of settling. growing older doesn't mean we get into a relationship to settle down....we should be waiting on that relationship that riles us up. livens us up. fills us up.

bust out your gloves and cleaning products....time to rid our lives of the unfavorable remnants of past lovers, users, "men". in order to move on with LIFE we must remove all oil spots and fingerprints.

good luck sistas!


you left your fingerprints all over me. all over my heart. so quickly we fell apart & as much as it hurts me...i'm windexing every smudge of you from my life. cleaning off this so-called "love" that was once all over me. left unappreciated, i'm taking my love back. fingerprints off. please don't touch.

NEW VIDS: can't be friends.....welcome back Mizz Sullivan

and i wish we never did it....
and i wish we never loved it...

i am so very happy that Jazmine Sullivan is coming back on the scene. for awhile i was afraid she would be a one hit wonder. i dig the video...i mean, who doesn't love the classicness that is HOUSE PARTY!! her style is also on the come up. YES! my prayers have been answered. i'm so digging the blue mascara. I remember when i was in junior high i would sneak and wear my mom's blue, purple, and green mascaras. *sigh* no wonder so many people thought i was weird growing up. whateva....i call it trendsetting! BOOM IN YO FACE!


PLAYLIST: When a Woman Loves...

hopefully she doesn't get fed up.
cuz we all know what happens then.


nah but welcome back R.Kelly. i love the old school soul in this song. def on repeat.


p.s. i don't mean to play devil's advocate, buuuut i feel like Trey Songz would have murdered this song. #justsayin

THEME MUSIC: the way i love you, just call me MiMi Homemaker

gave you everything.
perhaps that was too much.
and i'm not one to beg, so i'm gone.

sing to 'em Bey!

Now, now, now, honey
You better sit down and look around
Cause you must've bumped yo' head
And I love you enough to talk some sense back into you, baby
I'd hate to see you come home, me the kids
And the dog is gone
Check my credentials...
I give you everything you want everything you need
Even your friends say I'm a good woman
All I need to know is why?

Why don't you love me?
Tell me, baby, why don't you love me
When I make me so damn easy to love?
And why don't you need me?
Tell me, baby, why don't you need me
When I make me so damn easy to need?

I got beauty, I got class
I got style, and I got @ss
And you don't even care to care
Looka here
I even put money in the bank account
Don't have to ask no one to help me out
You don't even notice that

Why don't you love me?
Tell me, baby, why don't you love me
When I make me so damn easy to love?
Why don't you need me?
Tell me, baby, why don't you need me
When I make me so damn easy to need?

I got beauty, I got heart
Keep my head in them books, I'm sharp
But you don't care to know I'm smart
Now, now now now now now now
I got moves in your bedroom
Keep you happy with the nasty things I do
But you don't seem to be in tune

Why don't you love me?
Tell me, baby, why don't you love me
When I make me so damn easy to love?
Why don't you need me?
Tell me, baby, why don't you need me
When I make me so damn easy to need?

There's nothing not to love about me
No, no, there's nothing not to love about me
I'm lovely
There's nothing not to need about me
No, no, there's nothing not to need about me
Maybe you're just not the one
Or maybe you're just plain....... DUMB

i have always liked this's def the best i've seen from her.

After all of the times that we tried,
I found out we were living a lie
And after all of this love that we made,
I Know Now you don't love me the same

The way that I love
(The way that I love you)

The way that I love
(The way that I love you)

The way that I love
(The way that I love you)

I woke up kinda early today, and something told me from that moment it wouldn't be the same
Felt like you were hidin' something, but I didn't push it,
I didn't complain or say nothing
I tried to act like I didn't see it,
'cause deep down I know I didn't wanna believe it

There it was, it was you and her,
you left your sidekick on the night stand and I read

Everything you did and everything you said,
now I'm standin' here lookin' like damn
I thought it was you and I,
now all I gotta say is why

The way that I love
(The way that I love you)

I noticed now that when I'm around, you be tryin' to lock the door, whispering on the phone
Now wait a minute,
since we been in this house you ain't never did this before, tell me what's this about..
(What's this about)
I tried to sit and say to myself,
this here is too good, he don't want nothin' else

There it was, it was you and her,
you left the credit card receipt inside the beamer with

Everything you bought
And everything you spent, now I'm standing here
once again I thought it was you and I,
now all I have to say is why

The way that I love
(The way that I love you)

Oh Oh
You lied
You lied
Oh why
Why'd you have to lie to me
Why'd you have to lie to me-e
Why'd you have to lie to me
Why, why, why, why
You lied, you lied, you lied
We made, we made, we made


Friday, August 27, 2010

QUOTABLES: the all knowing Drizzy Drake Rogers...

"And you just tell me what you down for,
Anything you down for,
I know things have changed ,
Since I used to be around more,
I hope that ya miss me a little when im gone,
Hope that
You miss me a little when I'm gone..."

-Drake "Miss Me"

that's all i it ego or whateva. i just want him to miss me how i miss him.


hurt like i hurt. want to change and grow just as much as i want to change and grow.


RANDOM ISH: dream catcher...

last week i had a dream that my teeth were falling out. i don't remember all of the details, only that i could literally feel the iron like taste of blood in my mouth. i was trying to cover my mouth as my teeth crumbled and fell out. i was horrified...but no one in my dream seemed to be bothered by my misfortune.

i finally got around to googling the meaning of this kind of dream and found that it was SO on point. when you dream that your teeth are falling out it has a lot to do with you feeling that what you have to say isn't being respected or understood.

in my relationship i was feeling like my opinion and point of view was falling on deaf nothing i said/felt had any value to him. it was BEYOND frustrating to be the type of person i am (all about communicating) and not being able to properly communicate with my significant other. this dream was such an accurate depiction of my conscious and subconscious feelings.

guess i'll be googling my dreams a lot more from now on.

for a full break down of my dream, click here: DREAM MEANING


Thursday, August 26, 2010

DISASTERS IN DATING: checkmate....

this little game we play. why do we play this sick game of torture? silently we put ourselves through the agony of the unknown all on account of not wanting to be the one who folds first. firm poker face...i call your bluff. i think.

the longer you hold out on communication the more in control you are. right? well, i feel like the longer i force myself not to tell him i love him...the weaker i become. my imagination goes crazy.

"he clearly doesn't care, he hasn't shown any emotion"

"perhaps this was all a joke. all a lie, i MUST have imagined the love"

blah blah blah...etc etc. when will my mind be quiet.

i'm the type that feels if something needs to be said...just say it. in the middle of a storm don't you feel hope when that sliver of sunlight slips through the dark clouds? that piece of light is like a beacon...letting you know "this too shall pass".

wouldn't an "i love you" in the midst of chaos act as a glint of sunlight? an assurance that although things are SHITTY right now....i still care. i still want the best for you. i still....well, i still love you.

i guess my way of thinking is off. i guess everyone has to play the game. no one wants to be seen as weak. so we put our guard up, hold our ground, & lay in wait...suffering. all in the name of "winning".

my poker face sucks.
the defense line has been breached & the Queen is vulnerable for attack.




POETICALLY INCLINED: drug of choice....

i get high off your memory.
poppin pills engraved with I LOVE YOU.
snortin powder that smells like your scent.
injecting endorphins in my veins....natural pain killer.
i get high off your memory.

i fcukin love u.


THEME MUSIC: i don't ask for much....

What I need from you is understanding,
How can we communicate,
If you don't hear what I say.
What I need from you is understanding,
So simple as 1-2-3,
Understanding is what we need.

You don't really know me,
You just wanna do what you wanna do.
That's not the way it should be,
No, you should listen to me boy.
I try so very hard to make you understand,
But the choices you make, baby they're all demands.

I try so very hard to keep our love alive,
But you don't wanna meet me half way,
Then the understanding dies.
There's no way that we can work it out,
If we don't pull together.
I don't mean to be demanding,
But I want some understanding,
I want to be with you.

I listen to you baby,
And I know the things you're going through.
I try to understand,
That's why I'm still here with you, baby.
See everyday we're living,
Is one thing that will always be unsure.
That's why I need you baby, pleading baby,
Please let our love endure.


RANDOM ish: basic math...

today i made a mistake in calculations.
3 x 5= 13...i told my nephew.
my mind isn't functioning quite right, clearly.
atleast i know one equation
you - me = reality.

if only i could input that into a calculator
& have it read "ERROR".


Wednesday, August 25, 2010

PHOTO OP: thank u for being a friend

it is when your heart aches....mind is boggled...emotions are on the fritz....and stress is like second skin.....

that's when your girls are a phone call away,

knowing EXACTLY how badly you're hurting.
they seem to know exactly what the invisible tears mean.
every sigh, every groan...they decode it perfectly.
and even though you're not totally ready to talk because words fail you,
they are waiting in the wings...ready when you are.

onikhol, cons, ruthi, jimmy, nise, bleether, meeks, ry ry, BB, niquey mo, etc etc.....

i need you now.


Monday, August 23, 2010

DISASTERS IN DATING: all you need is one good one...

the past couple of weeks i have been plagued with anxiety.
the kind that labors your breathing & makes it hard to have an appetite.
i've been exercising the muscles in my eyes, trying my hardest not to let a tear fall.

im too G for that...right?
cuz i promised myself i would never cry again. i hate it.
i internally bash myself because i feel like crying is weak.

but sometimes the hurt builds up a little too much.
my external armor has started to weaken a bit.
today is that day. the nail was def put in the coffin & i see that this is clearly dead.

now i realize that perhaps all i need is one good cry.....

let it all out.

frustration. misunderstanding. hurt. confusion. disappointment. anger. resentment.

time to purge.

don't bother me, im crying.


FRESH FROCKS: eShop til u eDrop.

i love interning in the fashion's like a brand new world everyday, lots of exploration.

the world of fashion is one that you will never be able to conquer...there is just SO much to it. i looooove it.

anywho, one of the newbie interns hipped me to this haute little site where you can shop new AND vintage! AMAZING MUCH???

oh yeah baaaabay!!

the prices range from moderate to almost expensive...but for the quality of clothes, u know it's worth it.

check it out.
fall in love.
eShop til u eDrop.

enjoy blogger babies!


few items i love:

*new* the Square Off sunglasses

*vintage* the Devon Disco Jacket

FRESH FROCKS: accessorize ya life...

this weekend i fell in love with this watch while having a love affair in MetrOpark.


there is nothing more feminine than a chunky men's watch on a thin wrist...topped off with perfectly painted poppin nails!


PLAYLIST: lovesCold...

i feel like Will is a genius.
he is not only one of my bestest friends EVER,
he is majorly talented.

i must warn you....this is a tease. only 1 minute and 44 seconds of greatness.

"im feelin like ur purposely hurtin me, unconcerned with how i feeeeeel...."

enjoy blogger babies!


#imjustsayin : we want prenup!!

A prenuptial agreement, antenuptial agreement, or premarital agreement, commonly abbreviated to prenup or prenupt, is a contract entered into prior to marriage, civil union or any other agreement prior to the main agreement by the people intending to marry or contract with each other. ..

so i was thinking...i know i don't have much (yet) but can i still get a prenup? not for marriage...but for life in general.

friendships & relationships both consist of verbal/non verbal agreements that include loyalty, trust, respect, honor, etc...right?

wouldn't it make sense that if a friend or a lover turned out to be a total douche bag that there be some contract that allows for totally legal & acceptable repercussions?

say your friend decides to tell your business or take you on Maury to reveal she's having a baby by your boyfriend, the prenup should have some clause that says you are herein entitled to beat the sh*t out of her.

or perhaps your boyfriend has dropped the ball on his boyfriend duties & your relationship is now falling apart. wouldn't it be nice if the aforementioned party had to like umm i don't know....kiss your entire ass?

don't mind me... #imjustsayin


QUOTABLES: and the winner is....

"i'd rather not be alone in the ring fighting. even if i get slaughtered, atleast i know my opponent was passionate about something...."

i often have conversations in my head and that is how i come up with my quirky sayings and poignant quotes. this morning i was in my head discussing how logical it would be to fight for something that the other person doesn't even want. am i alone in the ring beating myself up over something my opponent is sitting out on?

which brings me to my quote.....get in the ring with me. let's fight for the prize. let's fight for US. because even if i get dragged, the bruises will show that clearly the fight was worth it to us.

let's get ready to ruuuuuuumble!!!


DISASTERS IN DATING: bloody casualties....

if you're a bird, i'm a bird.

bang bang u shot me down.....

right out of our cloudy skies.


don't play the victim.
the gun ur holding is the one smoking.

guns don't kill people.
people kill people.
love doesn't hurt people.
people hurt people.

DISASTERS IN DATING: be a streetcleaner

so the other nite a few friends & i had a spa nite. (spa nite: girlfriends + swimsuits + spa/jacuzzi + LOTS of girl talk). we've been doing them for years now....they always seem to be MUCH needed in one of our lives.

anywho, i came up with this silly idea to tell SCARY LOVE STORIES. cuz i mean what ghost story can compare to the frightful "situationships" we have been through thus far!? lol we went around the spa, each girl telling a "scary love story" about another girl there. to hear your love life somewhat fictitiously retold by a friend is quite comical.

when it got around to me, my story about "Jerri the Giant & Thumbalino" had quite a few characters that are now reverberating with the girls and i. Peter the PitStop, Oscar the Obstacle, Henry the Hurdle, Steve the Stop Sign, Ron the Roadblock etc. in all actuality, we have ALL dealt with these characters. guys who have come in and out of our life causing drama, leaving scratches on our hearts and bruises on our ego. we have ALL dealt with guys who have taken tiny parts of us that we will never get back, & if we do...that part of us is not quite the same. USED. not so brand new.

our trust isn't fully charged. our self confidence not AS gleaming. our hearts just a tad harder to get to......but we, my friends & i, have decided to LET ALL OF THAT GO. we are devoted to becoming SKARIKA THE STREETCLEANER & removing all the rubbish from our carefully paved streets.

we are awaiting CHARLIE the CHAMPION.

lol. funny story for my friends & i....but in all seriousness, making a conscious effort to accept ONLY what you truly deserve is a much needed change in all of our lives.

thank God for good friends.
love u ladies!


#imjustsayin: my AMAZING day

i don't believe in perfect, but i do live by AMAZING.
things can be AMAZING & be far from perfect.
i do declare that one day imma wake up & EVERYTHING is going to be amazing.
sleep will fade seamlessly away 5 minutes before my alarm sounds.
well rested & ready to take the day on, i find nothing but AMAZING clothes
in my well organized closet.
and those jeans that fit a little too snug last week...are fitting somewhat AMAZINGLY today.
that makes me smile....real big!
my nails & toes are perfectly painted, no chips.
gas tank on F & my wallet didn't feel it.
im not bloated or feeling fat, my curves are curving just right.
what an AMAZING day.
hair is doing EXACTLY what i want it to do (oh, that will be the day...the AMAZING day)
& this fresh bottle of mascara has my lashes at the length i've always desired.
no bird crap on my windshield.
no scuff on my favorite high heels.
i even got through a shower & shaving session with not one single nick from the razor.
sun is shining...but not so much as to cause a sweat. but rather...a nice glow.
the breeze is AMAZING, no need for a jacket.
my friends are family is blessed.
im loving this AMAZING day.
my heart is beating regularly, no sign of aches or breaks.
i dont even feel the slightest twinge of anxiety or the dull sensation of tears.

one day imma wake up & EVERYTHING is going to be AMAZING.
cuz i don't believe in perfect but i do live by AMAZING.
i cant help but think that this day wouldn't be so far fetched if he believed in amazing too.



Sunday, August 22, 2010

PHOTO OP: when you're not here....

i sleep in ur tshirt.
and im pretty sure you're gone for good,
so until this fades away completely...
i'll secretly hold on for awhile.
sssssh, don't tell my mind cuz it's supposed to be "made up" about u.

"own my heart, my mind, & the tshirt that i sleep in...."


POETICALLY INCLINED: but not really....

i had something really good to say, then i forgot it.
had the words thought out nicely, adjectives all in place.
i was inspired by his smile, his face, his expressions....
then i forgot 'em.
not on kind of just happened.
i held on for as long as possible, hoping i'd keep a memory.
but he kept slipping away.
i meant to document this experience, so i could always remember.
kept telling myself to write down the fun times and every joke that made me laugh.
but i didn't.
i swear i really wanted to share with the world what great joy he brought,
but i suppose i wanted to keep some of us secret.
cuz i mean, seemed like the more that people "knew" the worst it became.
no one ever really wants to see someone else happy.
i was initially inclined to blog about the time he kissed my every tattoo...
yep all 7 of 'em.
& at that moment i was sure that i would get more ink just so his lips would never leave me.
i'd get an X across my heart & would hope he'd find that spot everyday of his life.
yea, i was going to blog about that.
but i didn't.
weekly bubble baths meant for two and champagne on ice.
i forgot about the sweet whispers and nights wrapped in his arms.
i definitely made an attempt to tell about how each morning we took turns making breakfast for each other.
so easily it slipped my mind.
cuz we forget to tell about the goodness, those moments discarded once love goes sour.

i was POETICALLY INCLINED to pen my greatest love story about him.
but not really....

cuz i have decided to keep it all inside.



Saturday, August 21, 2010

PLAYLIST: Adele does me so right....

You say it's all in my head
And the things I think just don't make sense
So where you been then? Don't go all coy
Don't turn it round on me like it's my fault
See I can see that look in your eyes
The one that shoots me each and every time
you know i know just how you feel 'cause honey I'm startin' to feel that way too when you

grace me with your cold shoulder
Whenever you look at me I wish I was her
You shower me with words made of knives
Whenever you look at me I wish I was her

These days when I see you
You make it look like I'm see-through
Do tell me why you waste our time
When your heart ain't in it, and you're not satisfied
You know I know just how you feel
I'm starting to find myself feeling that way too

When you grace me with your cold shoulder
Whenever you look at me I wish I was her
You shower me with words made of knives
Whenever you look at me I wish I was her

Time and time again, I play the role of fool
(Just for you)
Even in the daylight when you think that
(I don't see you)
Try to look for things I hear but our eyes never find
'Though I do know how you play

You grace me with your cold shoulder
Whenever you look at me I wish I was her
You shower me with words made of knives
Whenever you look at me I wish I was her

You grace me with your cold shoulder
Whenever you look at me I wish I was her
You shower me with words made of knives
Whenever you look at me I wish I was her


DEAR SUMMER: good riddance....

Dear Summer,

i used to love you.
but this year, you've been a real b*tch.
global warming had temps down & my personal flames waning.
i was living in a cold war.
"i never dreamed you'd leave in summer"
but that's what it is.
blew out my invisible candles
and watched us go up in smoke.

now, i've never been more ready to layer up,
watch leaves change colors,
& let the wind take all the icky feelings far far away.

Hello badly i await you.


FUNNY FUNNY: kids do the darndest things...

so yesterday my 9 year old nephew D was going super hard on some bbq lays chips a few hours before football practice. my brother tells him to "lay off the salt before practice" and my sis-in-law says "yea, go wash 'em down with some water". my nephew then disappears into the kitchen for a few moments before returning to us and asking "okay so can i drink it out of the bag???"

LMBO!!! he went and LITERALLY washed the chips with water by filling the bag of chips with faucet water. i IMMEDIATELY start crying laughing. let me tell you.....i desperately NEEDED that laugh. mind you, he asked this with the straightest face....he was beyond dead serious. LMBO.

so thank you Neph for bringing a long lost laugh to my tummy.


TWITTER ME THIS: hiatus much?

i am currently on a break from twitter. no particular reason....just thought i'd focus less on the social networking scene & focus more on me. for instance, i have been able to put my random thoughts and outbursts on this blog and in my journal instead of limiting myself to 140 characters. Also, i have avoided the tendency to check up on him to see what he's doing, how he's doing, etc. I mean, if he wanted me to know.....he would let ME know. I am avoiding him altogether....especially via social networks.

so my blogger babies, if you feel the urge to get in contact with me. CALL ME.

let's get back to that. hear my voice instead of ALWAYS reading my words. granted, my words do flow nicely. *smiley face*

my Ruthi is also on this hiatus as well. we agreed to go until september 1st....i don't think she is gonna last. annnnnd i kinda feel like i may go even longer, just so i can get back in the swing of updating my blog and actually writing down my feelings/thoughts in my personal journal.

words are my therapy and i have a feeling i am going to need them A LOT.


p.s. although, i do feel a nice twitter rant coming along. i may break my hiatus day only!!!

Friday, August 20, 2010

PLAYLIST: what i'm listening to...

blame me for having faith in this relationship....

i don't know what this war's about, been through too much not to work it out.....i am your woman so show some respect & treat me as such...

i want this fiasco to end, so baby we can start all over again...

DISASTERS IN DATING: the proverbial break......up

i have heard fairytale stories as well as nightmares regarding couples who have gone on "breaks". from the couple who a break did wonders for, because they realized what they had in each the couple who seen that a break UP was clearly what was needed and stayed apart. but how do you know what group you fall in? are your issues so profound that a break up is the only logical thing to do? or is the love so genuine that both parties are willing to put in the work to resolve issues and grow together.

what if you're a mix of both categories? what if you know the love has what it takes to work but the issues have consumed the relationship and it seems better to part ways than continue on a road leading to unhappiness.....*sigh* relationships suck. when you have been so far removed from the relationship mindset, it can be difficult to change your mind to the "us" and "we" instead of the "i" and "me".

how do we get back to our happy place when the road is hidden by the rubbish of miscommunication, resentment, anger, misunderstanding, etc??

how did we get so lost on this road that neither one of us can mapquest or googlemap the correct directions back to the good times? how do we find our way back? back to what though? this makes me wonder if we were ever happy or were we both wanting so badly for this long awaited union to work that we overlooked tell-tale warning signs? i just don't know anything anymore.

perhaps, parting ways IS what's best. how else am i supposed to feel when it seems as if i'm the only one willing to learn, change, and grow. so i suppose i'll seal this "Dear John" letter and let this burn.


damn you XIII.....this was supposed to work.