DISASTERS IN DATING: fix my life...

The other day I was finally able to catch Iyanla Vanzant's show "Fix My Life" featuring reality star Evelyn Lozada. baaaaaaaaby, let me tell you....i got my LIFE! one of the hardest things is truly loving yourself, knowing your worth and LIVING in it. i am currently on that journey. loving someone and letting them go when every fiber of your heart is still attached to them....is brutal. i am in a place that is so out of the norm. i find myself being angry, A LOT. mean, bitchy....upset because the person i love doesn't love me how i deserve. i was driving home the other night, crying my head off on the freeway. talking to God, asking Him to forgive me for allowing myself to be treated in a way so unworthy of what i deserve. told Him that i am embarrassed for the bits and pieces of happy i have been accepting. how dare i, as God's child, allow someone to not love me properly?? i am angry....i am frustrated...i am tired. i give of myself too much, fight too hard for men who haven't done the same. i'm angry at myself. love shouldn't hurt. i want a man who encourages me....is excited about my work and dreams. cares about my day and well being. make time for me, make time for love. annnd i want him to want me when i want him. not after i have moved on (shoutout to the exes). i am fixing my life. mind, body, spirit, heart. and to you....i'll love you always. you da best baby...every single day. xoxo, Mia McK

DISASTERS IN DATING: the resurrection....

time passes.
mistakes are made.
tears are shed.
apologies said and accepted.
then love......


it never ceases to amaze me how incredible love is.
it comes in and covers a multitude of wrongs.
i am absolutely in awe of its power.

when you can look into the face of love and feel God,
that's when you know.
just like the Christian walk, love isn't always easy.
we backslide, we fall off, we make bad decisions along the way.
then love....

saves us.
restores us.
strengthens us.
resurrects us.

i am literally consumed with this life altering emotion.
we are exactly where we're supposed to be.
with each other.
loving every inch of each other.


and we can't get enough,
cuz like he said "you are who i want".
we fit.
literally.



"aint no competition when you're in it...." ;-)



xoxo,
MiaMcK




XIII,
i knew that we'd find our way back to each other.
being apart was the best thing that could have happened to us.
it hurt like hell to leave you, but it was SO necessary.
there is no better feeling than learning, living, and loving WITH you.
i never thought it would be this easy to start from scratch, start over, start anew....
but it is.
we feel so right.
over a year ago, we rushed into something that took yeeeeeaaars to finally establish.
now, standing at the starting line of 2011...i can say that this is where we belong.
infatuated at first sight on a random night in 2005.
we have the stuff that true love stories are made of.
let's work at it baby.

i have fallen in love with you all over again....


welcome home daddy.

xoxo,
Moonlight

DISASTERS IN DATING: case of the ex.....

this is for the ladies!

when it comes to the case of the ex...i think i am well versed enough on the topic to be considered an expert. i have dealt with an ex...been an ex... hated the ex....loved being the ex...missed the ex...had the ex...lost the ex... turned down the ex...counseled the ex...get the picture?

with all my experience with the EX factor, i thought i'd give some tips on how to handle being the ex and also how to handle your ex. by all means im not saying my word is law...but it should be. ;-)


when you're the ex: when a relationship ends there are a roller coaster of emotions that you go through. but when it's possible, try to keep your head about you. it's easy to fall victim to dramatics (trust me, been there & done that) but go against the grain & incorporate some class. the more you call him, try to see him...the more you're going to push him away. besides, if he chose to leave...let him. he doesn't deserve to see your tears or know how much he hurt you. RETAIN YOUR POWER! so behind those closed doors you can kick, scream, cry, curse, & lose sleep all you want....but as soon as you walk outside, make sure your face is a perfectly painted picture of cool, calm, collectedness. also, don't allow anyone to make you feel bad for hurting. BE HURT...it's okay. but be sure to get busy doing something so that this hurt doesn't consume who you are. the faster you get back to being you, the easier this transition out of heartbreak will be.

when the ex won't let go: i am a firm UNbeliever in closure. there is no such thing. the questions you have or he has may not always have the answers either party wants to hear. this then leads to even more questions that may not have a "logical" answer. matter of fact, break ups aren't even always logical...cuz seriously, what is logical about that incessant ache in the pit of your stomach? sleepless nites? days without food? logic and heartbreak don't belong in the same sentence. the best thing you can do when you have a case of the ex not letting go, is not feed into it. it may hurt you....it may hurt him, but ceasing ALL communication is the best way to put a damper in the ex's quest for reconciliation (although unrequited).

when you can't let go: be mature. now ladies, i know we are tempted to pull a RING THE ALARM act, but be mature about the situation. if the relationship is over, let it be over. easier said than done...yes i know. you feel like an integral part of who you are is now long gone & daily functions are hard...but be mature. if your guy has moved on...let him be happy. being mature enough to let someone be happy is the classiest thing you can ever do. im not simply talking out of my ass here ladies, i've always said that "i never want to be the reason for his unhappiness" & if i wasn't making him happy then im glad it ended. hard to admit? of course! women have egos too. but i never called, texted, or emailed in hopes of getting back with him. hard to swallow? of course! when you're in this situation, it's important that you take all the time you need to ween yourself off of this drug called "him". that means, NO DIPPING BACK. if the relationship is over, don't continue a sexual relationship. i've seen this happen and it just makes moving on THAT much harder. this is a huge NO NO if your ex is in a new relationship... respect yourself more. you deserve more than a part time lover. if he's gonna cheat, don't let it be with you. do you really wanna be with someone who is STILL cheating?? you must not be THAT special if he is only creeping with you at midnight but loving her in the daylight.


when you want to be friends with the ex: time is the only answer to this. when my ex & i broke up i thought we could just go back to being friends....so not the case. even after months and months had passed, i never understood why he couldn't be my friend. well three years later i found out. yea three years....three years of no contact with someone who professed undying love. it was crazy, but MUCH needed. when we finally got back in touch with each other, we discussed EVERYTHING. love was still there..simply because you can't just STOP loving someone. but time fades the IN part. so no, we aren't IN love...but there is deep care that goes beyond the time spent apart. in this new found friendship he told me why we couldn't be friends. he didn't want to stir up problems in his new relationship knowing the new gal was insecure when it came to me. *gasp* me?? lol why oh why would that be an issue? idk, i AM pretty darn cool. nah, but i understood his point. and he also said that he was really hurt over the breakup & simply couldn't be around me. so ladies, we must remember that men hurt too. the "let's be friends" line is for movies & tv. in real life, breakups & friendships aren't that cut & dry. both parties need to time to cool off, heal, & move on before a purely PLATONIC friendship can form.


basically ladies...and gentlemen... matters of the heart are always hard. there are no rules or remedies, only words of wisdom that you should meditate on so you can try to make the least amount of regrettable decisions as possible. stop the cycle of hurt, don't rush relationships, keep the lines of communication open, & be responsible. juggling someone's heart is scary and dropping it is even scarier.


the best piece advice i've ever received?? "spend more time being happy"- E.Sams



questions?comments?concerns?

let me know!


drink, drive, have sex, & love...responsibly.


xoxo,
miaMcK

DISASTERS IN DATING: guard up? check!

like many young women all around the world, i am single and trying to date. well in my case, i sometimes think im trying hard NOT to date. self-sabotage much? yea, i am the queen of pushing guys away & making up excuse after excuse as to why i won't ever return his, his, or his call. im a hopeless cynic. i see the end of a situation before it even begins. i give a guy an inch hoping he will find a way to hang himself. needless to say, my guard is WAY up.

all hope isn't lost though. slowly, but surely, im learning that perhaps it isn't so bad to let someone in every now and again. after taking a brutally honest look at my track record, i can now address my fears and move forward. by all means, this does NOT mean im on the relationship bandwagon...but it does mean i won't oppose the thought of one as vehemently as i used to. im 24 now and a healthy, committed, & loving relationship is bound to happen eventually. soooo i figure i may as well start working on being the best woman i can be so that when God blesses me with the MAN meant for me, i won't push him away simply b/c im too afraid to let my guard down.


ladies, what are your fears & hang ups about relationships???



xoxo,
miaMcK

PLAYLIST: men hurt too...

i've never really been inclined to listen to Gnarls Barkley. yea yea, shame on me...i know! but the other day while channel surfing i stumbled upon this vid. love at first sight. seriously, the poor heart really got to me and i remembered that men hurt too. i know sometimes women tend to forget that men actually have emotions. granted, it's hard 2 remember such a fact when these men are so often breaking our hearts, bruising our egos, & leaving us deflated. i mean yea, we forget to consider that this man may be this way because once upon a time he was heart broken with a bruised ego & deflated spirit 2 match.

im sure we have all came across that guy, whether it was a platonic or romantic relationship, that just wasn't quite right after that one girl stole his heart and never gave it back...fully. sure, he may fall in love again but it won't ever compare to that one who got away. his fault or hers...doesn't matter much. his heart will never beat as rhythmically as it once did. time may pass & the his heart will take on a new & perhaps more interesting beat but that previous "buh bum" of his cardiac melody will forever be nostalgically missed. anywho, here's the amazing video, check check check it out...





xoxo,
miaMcK

BIRTHDAY: 24....

i turned 24 on friday (aug 7th)...it was ummmmmm, eye opening 2 say the least. i got to that R.Kelly moment. "when a woman's fed up..." i held my breath for a moment, replayed the last 3yrs of my life in my head, exhaled, & decided "he's just not that into me"

and that, my little blogger babies, is how i was officially delivered from my miserable state of unrequited love.

there is an amazing sense of FREEDOM in simply KNOWING...and even more security in ACCEPTING.


xoxo,
MiaMcK