Thursday, August 26, 2010
DISASTERS IN DATING: checkmate....
this little game we play. why do we play this sick game of torture? silently we put ourselves through the agony of the unknown all on account of not wanting to be the one who folds first. firm poker face...i call your bluff. i think.
the longer you hold out on communication the more in control you are. right? well, i feel like the longer i force myself not to tell him i love him...the weaker i become. my imagination goes crazy.
"he clearly doesn't care, he hasn't shown any emotion"
"perhaps this was all a joke. all a lie, i MUST have imagined the love"
blah blah blah...etc etc. when will my mind be quiet.
i'm the type that feels if something needs to be said...just say it. in the middle of a storm don't you feel hope when that sliver of sunlight slips through the dark clouds? that piece of light is like a beacon...letting you know "this too shall pass".
wouldn't an "i love you" in the midst of chaos act as a glint of sunlight? an assurance that although things are SHITTY right now....i still care. i still want the best for you. i still....well, i still love you.
i guess my way of thinking is off. i guess everyone has to play the game. no one wants to be seen as weak. so we put our guard up, hold our ground, & lay in wait...suffering. all in the name of "winning".
my poker face sucks.
the defense line has been breached & the Queen is vulnerable for attack.