Saturday, October 17, 2009
DISASTERS IN DATING: putting him before HIM....
dating is hard. a general statement...yes. but it encompasses so much. why is it hard? how can "hard" be avoided? do relationships HAVE to be hard? etc etc etc. well for me dating, and relationships in general, tend to be hard because until recently, i had yet to find a way to mesh my fleshly life with my spiritual life. this summer i took A LOT of time to myself to figure ME out. figure out my relationships (including friendships) and how i wanted to proceed in them...if in fact i wanted to go forth in life still connected to certain people. this self reflection brought me to dating. i took inventory of my past flings & such with various guys so that i can see where MY mistakes took place. i seen that too often i compromised what i KNEW to be right in exchange for something or someone that was at best, temporary. i settled for "relationships" with guys that weren't anywhere near what i truly desired. i sacrificed my body for stolen moments of ummm "pleasure" *side eye*. basically i was selling myself short. never demanding the respect, treatment, etc that i truly deserved. i wasnt living up to my worth. quite embarrassing to say the least. here i am being constantly praised as this "confident", "beautiful", "intelligent", "inspirational", "unique" young woman... but i wasnt acting as such. i wasnt walking in my WORTH.
simply...it came down to me not putting God or myself first. sure, it's hard to break a habit that has unknowingly been with you for the past 7 years of "adulthood"..but once you acknowledge your own mistakes, that first step is complete. just keeping it real with myself, i knew i had to change my mind in order to change my situation. i had to tell myself "just because i did it before, doesn't mean im obligated to do it again". so when i would receive those late night phone calls or text messages from a guy who EXPECTED something from me simply because we had that type of relationship before, it was easier for me to now ignore that. if our goal for this "relationship" isnt the same, what makes u think u have the privilege to access my body? forget about tapping into my mind, heart, and spirit though right? tapping that ass is of greater concern?
i have learned to accept that although im not perfect in Christ, im striving for it. i refuse to let any guy whose mind is set on "temporary" to keep me from receiving all the blessings God has in store for me. THIS is why i am celibate. THIS is why i don't really mind being single. i know that if i continue to be faithful on this walk with God, He will always look out for the greater good of my heart. he may have been good looking, the sex may have been great, the conversation may have been stimulating...but did he love the Lord? this is what i think about now when i come across a member of the opposite sex. i dont care how much he likes me or how impressive his resume' may be.... love & acknowledge the Lord in all you do, then perhaps i will give you a second glance.
so until my Mr.GodSentHim2Me comes along, i will keep my eyes, heart,mind & spirit focused on the Lord. it will always be HIM before any him.
last note to the ladies: love yourself COMPLETELY. if ur reading this and you're not saved or "that into God"...just know that He loves you even when you dont love yourself enough to make the best decisions concerning your heart.
"a woman's heart should be so hidden in God that a man has to seek Him just to find her..." -maya angelou