Saturday, September 29, 2012

DISASTERS IN DATING: fix my life...

The other day I was finally able to catch Iyanla Vanzant's show "Fix My Life" featuring reality star Evelyn Lozada. baaaaaaaaby, let me tell you....i got my LIFE! one of the hardest things is truly loving yourself, knowing your worth and LIVING in it. i am currently on that journey. loving someone and letting them go when every fiber of your heart is still attached to brutal. i am in a place that is so out of the norm. i find myself being angry, A LOT. mean, bitchy....upset because the person i love doesn't love me how i deserve. i was driving home the other night, crying my head off on the freeway. talking to God, asking Him to forgive me for allowing myself to be treated in a way so unworthy of what i deserve. told Him that i am embarrassed for the bits and pieces of happy i have been accepting. how dare i, as God's child, allow someone to not love me properly?? i am angry....i am frustrated...i am tired. i give of myself too much, fight too hard for men who haven't done the same. i'm angry at myself. love shouldn't hurt. i want a man who encourages excited about my work and dreams. cares about my day and well being. make time for me, make time for love. annnd i want him to want me when i want him. not after i have moved on (shoutout to the exes). i am fixing my life. mind, body, spirit, heart. and to you....i'll love you always. you da best baby...every single day. xoxo, Mia McK

Sunday, September 16, 2012

Poetically Inclined: I had a moment....

Tonight I had a moment, felt like I had given up on love.

Took a minute, but I remembered that it is God.

how dare I be so hurt that I give up on Him.

He who would do anything for me, it's bigger than him.

Tonight I was on the edge. At that point where only your BEST friend can reach.

She talked me down from an unnecessary space, where love was nonexistent to me.

I had a moment of pure and honest hurt. I felt the disappointment seeping out of my eyes disguised as tears.

frustration anxiously waiting to pour out of my veins like open wounds of past years.

I had a moment tonight....




It's true, the power of an apology is real. I need one from you. Sorry for the lies, sorry for wasting my time. Perhaps, if you're sorry for hurting can throw an apology in for that. What's crazy is not being able to tell you exactly how fucked up you are. The sheer disrespect for me, our friendship, our ....shared moments. That hurts most. It took months and months and months to get to this point of letting you go, you letting me go, letting go...completely. While it is such a huge relief to be out of the clutches of disappointment, it is insanely painful to lose a friend. you forgot my dopeness. Forgot to tell me I'm beautiful. And I'm pretty sure it slipped your mind to remind me that I'm amazing, that I'm special to you.... Because you used to know those things about me. Used to tell me those things. You should be sorry you forgot, but I don't think you are. How unfortunate. I will be fine. So will you. But I am tapping out. Decided to spend some time with me. Grind season starts now. I forgive you.....I don't even need your apology. Thank God we are done. I regret you. xo, Mia McK