DISASTERS IN DATING: what we want vs. what we deserve

for years, literally...YEARS, i thought he was exactly what i wanted.
gorgeous, charismatic, caring, sexy, kind, etc etc etc.
loved him to the detriment of self.
insecurity. lack of trust. miscommunication...all the things that eat away at what should be a solid relationship.

but this is what i wanted.
struggle together, succeed together.
do any and everything for each other.

naked girls in his phone.
flirting that crosses the line.
cheating....disrespect.....lies....betrayal.
but this is what i wanted. right?

would give him a million chances to get it right.
forgive. forgive. forgive. forgive.
because THIS, HIM....is what i wanted.

i don't know how to want this anymore.
i don't know how to ignore the mistreatment anymore.
i AM too good to turn the other cheek.

being taken for granted is a sucky sucky feeling.
competing with women who aren't even worth it....not a good feeling.
having the nagging feeling that "he'll cheat again" always weighing on you.
my peace of mind packed a bag and left long ago.

i deserve better.

i found better.

but better isn't convinced that i'm done with what i thought i wanted.

so better waits.

and my want lingers.

better calls out to me...adores me....cares for me...wants just me.

while want haunts me.

and i've never loved anyone how i love him, but i need better.



xoxo,
MiaMcK