for years, literally...YEARS, i thought he was exactly what i wanted.
gorgeous, charismatic, caring, sexy, kind, etc etc etc.
loved him to the detriment of self.
insecurity. lack of trust. miscommunication...all the things that eat away at what should be a solid relationship.
but this is what i wanted.
struggle together, succeed together.
do any and everything for each other.
naked girls in his phone.
flirting that crosses the line.
but this is what i wanted. right?
would give him a million chances to get it right.
forgive. forgive. forgive. forgive.
because THIS, HIM....is what i wanted.
i don't know how to want this anymore.
i don't know how to ignore the mistreatment anymore.
i AM too good to turn the other cheek.
being taken for granted is a sucky sucky feeling.
competing with women who aren't even worth it....not a good feeling.
having the nagging feeling that "he'll cheat again" always weighing on you.
my peace of mind packed a bag and left long ago.
i deserve better.
i found better.
but better isn't convinced that i'm done with what i thought i wanted.
so better waits.
and my want lingers.
better calls out to me...adores me....cares for me...wants just me.
while want haunts me.
and i've never loved anyone how i love him, but i need better.